I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Wilde

Nothing is more pleasurable than to sit in the shade, sip gin and contemplate other people's adulteries...
John Skow


Sunday, August 1, 2010

Selena's guide of how to break your own heart- step one

Confusion, all misty, but still clear....desperation? Or is that too extreme a word? Tears.
The future ahead. Paris awaits. How to enter it with your heart still lost in Germany?
Difficulties...yeah, I will solve any problem. I know.
But still.
Waking up after a shadowrun-dream, I know how to use machine guns. Successfully. And have cyber eyes. Right now color light blue. Best quality.
Then quick breakfast. Since when can I have cake for breafast? It tasted good. But so sweet.
Visiting my parents. Kassler---for the last time in ages? Good that my mother gave me 2 big pieces.
Finished the 2nd one for pre-dinner.
Ice cream. 
I want blueberries. And cream. Not too sweet. 
Just like yesterday- I loved it.
And then, internet, explaining my mother how to use skype. She's pretty good at it actually. After a video chat from me on the bed and her, 1.5 m away at the desk, re-packing my stuff. What do I *really* need... The old question. Probably even less.
I don't understand how people can take as much as I take for a year for a vacation that lasts 2 weeks. Or less.
Leave me alone with your sweet talk.
My mother's instructions about the flat I've lived in for 20 years.
Cleanliness, order.
Dinner, salad, too much salt without too much love.
Saying goodbye. Tears.
It will be strange not to see her for more than half a year.
Difficulties, differences, fights, all gone. Of course I love her. And nothing will change it.
Blood is stronger than water.
I leave, tears on my side- later.
On my way, a suicide on the tracks, finding my way around.
The park. Grilled meat. 
More food during the last 3 days than for the last 3 weeks.
Safety fat pads for France.
I hope they'll be necessary ^^.
Old friends...changed...nothing new but surprising again.
Nice chat.
The big discussion. Finally getting a decision made before.
Tears.
Roy Orbison in my head.
 Baby, come closer, closer to me....forgive me, forgive me somehow...hold me tight for tonight and tell me true...
don't leave me now, now that I'm falling for you
You walked away....the pain began...
And, my <3 Elvis
Musical psychotherapy...
I've loved you much too long, my love's too strong- to let you go
Never knowing what went wrong.
Searching for *you*...
In the cold Kentucky rain

If I'm being cheesy, love is, feelings are
And i don't care.
Confusion, all misty...but not desperate.
dum anima est, spes esse dicitur- as the saying is- while there's life there's hope
CICERO--AD ATTICUM

5 comments:

  1. hmm

    one thing i really dont understand

    I've loved you much too long, my love's too strong- to let you go

    is it your ma, or d?

    its not cheesy, but...confused?

    ReplyDelete
  2. it's a song text ...fitting for a moment
    it also doesnt have to be about only 1 person

    ReplyDelete
  3. it is when you say it like that.
    confusing at best
    i do understand the feeling you want to describe. i just was not sure if it is all about feeling, or something you really want to tell. probably. but in that case it is only you who knows right now
    or not :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. is letting songs speak telling? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. well
    some things can not be told by words only
    so yes
    it can be

    ReplyDelete