I just arrived in Paris.
Raining cats and dogs. Hunger!!!
I cant believe i am finally here after more than one year of planning.
After dealing with that whole theoretical stuff my brain cant seem to realize that my body finally got here!
Or maybe I'm also confused because I just slept 4 hours.
I think it will be a good idea to try to sleep a bit and then run and get *lots of food*!
Well, after all I heard about Parisian prices maybe less than lots, but some.
The flat seems to be ok, apart from when i wanted to take down the trash my renter left I went into the cellar, where the trash has to be taken and didnt find where to switch on the light so I went through the darkness until i remembered i could use my cell phone to have some light.
Also it appeared that a special key was necessary to enter that room but when i got there it was open so while i was in there i already saw myself in that dark room where the door had snapped shut.
well here i am, spending my time in the internet although i should get sleep and food :).
Monday, August 16, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
feelings
normally i need to sleep like 8 hours, better more
4-5 hours for the last 3 days
i'm confused
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7JvM8iLHyQ
please let everything work out well for me
<3
4-5 hours for the last 3 days
i'm confused
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7JvM8iLHyQ
please let everything work out well for me
<3
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Deutsche - werden nicht besser im Ausland, wie das exportierte Bier.
Germans- dont become better when being abroad -like exported beer.
Well maybe not better as a human, as a person, but better "at" things, like French :).
yesterday, in 1945, the atom bomb exploded over hiroshima...it's still and probably always will be-shocking, at least to me
http://www.bildergalerie.sf.tv/gallery/load/d1abb7ed-8655-41eb-8634-5ed11a68de3f
what good and what evil can science do?
how do we know before inventing things what the consequences will and can be and if it's becoming foreseeable, how are we supposed to react?
how much can we do or change in this world anyway, where non -muslims are automatically christians trying to crusade, like in afghanistan...
http://www.tagesschau.sf.tv/Nachrichten/Archiv/2010/08/07/International/Taliban-toeten-auslaendisches-Aerzteteam
what will be the end to the conflict in corea where new submarine tests are done on every other of these days?
what about oil in the gulf of mexico for months? there's enough money to do whatever---but no adequate reaction when there's an accident that kills the flora and fauna of the ocean
why does a government not react when air pollution is harming its' population?
http://www.videoportal.sf.tv/video?id=9c98b86b-700d-47e4-97fb-00ccbcdf169b
is it really so hard to react or are our own needs, also if we are a politician that claimed to take responsibiliy and improve things, more important than everyone else's?
who gives us the "right" to act in such ways while claiming we're improving the world?
there is no "right" to "do such things"
and don't start a discussion about justice in the world...
i'm not whining and I know I won't change the world by talking about it- but while we care only about our own tiny problems such as---why do i have no blueberries at home atm (my own concern^^) we should sometimes "über unseren eigenen tellerrand gucken"---see the things outside of our own small "region of interest"
Well maybe not better as a human, as a person, but better "at" things, like French :).
yesterday, in 1945, the atom bomb exploded over hiroshima...it's still and probably always will be-shocking, at least to me
http://www.bildergalerie.sf.tv/gallery/load/d1abb7ed-8655-41eb-8634-5ed11a68de3f
what good and what evil can science do?
how do we know before inventing things what the consequences will and can be and if it's becoming foreseeable, how are we supposed to react?
how much can we do or change in this world anyway, where non -muslims are automatically christians trying to crusade, like in afghanistan...
http://www.tagesschau.sf.tv/Nachrichten/Archiv/2010/08/07/International/Taliban-toeten-auslaendisches-Aerzteteam
what will be the end to the conflict in corea where new submarine tests are done on every other of these days?
what about oil in the gulf of mexico for months? there's enough money to do whatever---but no adequate reaction when there's an accident that kills the flora and fauna of the ocean
why does a government not react when air pollution is harming its' population?
http://www.videoportal.sf.tv/video?id=9c98b86b-700d-47e4-97fb-00ccbcdf169b
is it really so hard to react or are our own needs, also if we are a politician that claimed to take responsibiliy and improve things, more important than everyone else's?
who gives us the "right" to act in such ways while claiming we're improving the world?
there is no "right" to "do such things"
and don't start a discussion about justice in the world...
i'm not whining and I know I won't change the world by talking about it- but while we care only about our own tiny problems such as---why do i have no blueberries at home atm (my own concern^^) we should sometimes "über unseren eigenen tellerrand gucken"---see the things outside of our own small "region of interest"
Thursday, August 5, 2010
zu viel helfen?
"Jemandem helfen, lieber Freund, heißt jemanden für unfähig erklären; wenn dieser Jemand gar nicht unfähig ist, läuft das darauf hinaus, ihn entweder unfähig zu machen oder vorauszusetzen, er sei unfähig; im erstem Fall handelt es sich um Tyrannei, im zweifen um Verachtung. In dem einen wird die Freiheit des anderen beschnitten, im anderen wird, wenigstens unbewusst, davon ausgegangen, der andere sei verachtenswert und unwürdig oder zur Freiheit unfähig."
Fernando Pessoa- Ein anarchistischer Bankier, 1922
Fernando Pessoa- Ein anarchistischer Bankier, 1922
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
blurry...
Sunday- Caramel beurre salée ice cream, fair milk shake, too much food, just as on Saturday. Sleep, 12 hours and not enough. Feeling comfortable. Staying in my cave while it's raining outside. Monday. Pilgrimage through the city just to find a bunch of dumb and customer-unfriendly piercers. Why do so few service providers get their jobs?
Wellbeing, more sleep, home, sleep, too much food again, sleep.
Decisions. Didn't I make enough decisions for the next weeks?
Making decisions and sticking to it are two different things. Or not? We'll see.
Rimbaud is luring me to Paris. Bataille into his sphere.
Time to re-open my mind after---oh I didn't mention it yet I found that I passed all 6 exams.
On more proof that multiple choice questions don't say much about what you learn, you just increase the odds for passing.
But do my very good grades mean that I totally got what the subject was about?
I won't choose geriatry over jediatry :).
And how can I have a very good and mediocre grade in the same subject?
Shouldnt exam questions be representative?
Or do I, as a professor, just have to show the world how innovative I am in asking questions to which you don't find an answer in any book and which I don't answer in my lecture?
Well, I'll retreat to Jünger, at first.
"Das Menschliche ist heute unter dem Nebensächlichen versteckt und aufgeteilt." That seems to be true to me. Maybe our friends are those whose human traits we find among the arbitrary, responding to our own humanity. Answering like an echo in the void (can there be an echo in the void? In any case, it sounds good).
(quote from "Myrdun"- Eidsbygda, 20. of August 1935)
One last Jünger quote for today:
"...denn mit jeder Mauer, die er errichtet, baut der Mensch ein Stück der uralten Zwingburgen aus, in denen die List des Weltgeistes ihn gefangenhält" from "Myrdun- an bord 26/27. August 1935"
building castles, buildings that last, does it give sth eternal to the human, some truth to the world, or do we just capture ourselves in it, keeping us away from reaching new shores?
I've expressed myself more clearly before, I know.
Some thoughts are hard to hold on to, once thought
Wellbeing, more sleep, home, sleep, too much food again, sleep.
Decisions. Didn't I make enough decisions for the next weeks?
Making decisions and sticking to it are two different things. Or not? We'll see.
Rimbaud is luring me to Paris. Bataille into his sphere.
Time to re-open my mind after---oh I didn't mention it yet I found that I passed all 6 exams.
On more proof that multiple choice questions don't say much about what you learn, you just increase the odds for passing.
But do my very good grades mean that I totally got what the subject was about?
I won't choose geriatry over jediatry :).
And how can I have a very good and mediocre grade in the same subject?
Shouldnt exam questions be representative?
Or do I, as a professor, just have to show the world how innovative I am in asking questions to which you don't find an answer in any book and which I don't answer in my lecture?
Well, I'll retreat to Jünger, at first.
"Das Menschliche ist heute unter dem Nebensächlichen versteckt und aufgeteilt." That seems to be true to me. Maybe our friends are those whose human traits we find among the arbitrary, responding to our own humanity. Answering like an echo in the void (can there be an echo in the void? In any case, it sounds good).
(quote from "Myrdun"- Eidsbygda, 20. of August 1935)
One last Jünger quote for today:
"...denn mit jeder Mauer, die er errichtet, baut der Mensch ein Stück der uralten Zwingburgen aus, in denen die List des Weltgeistes ihn gefangenhält" from "Myrdun- an bord 26/27. August 1935"
building castles, buildings that last, does it give sth eternal to the human, some truth to the world, or do we just capture ourselves in it, keeping us away from reaching new shores?
I've expressed myself more clearly before, I know.
Some thoughts are hard to hold on to, once thought
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Zufallsgedicht
Ausgleichungen
Ob du Schönes erschaffst, ob lieber Wirkliches nachformst:
wenn das Schöne nur echt, wenn nur das Wirkliche wahr!
Freilich, das Schöne ist echt allein durch die Wahrheit desWesens,
aber das Wirkliche schon wahr durch die Echtheit des Scheins.
Schwer, den gärenden Geist der Zeit ans Licht zu beschwören;
schwerer den klärenden Geist, weil er verborgener wirkt.
Aber wir fühlen, er wirkt! Ihn schaun war immer des Lebens
höchste Sehnsucht und Lust, höchste daher auch der Kunst.
Jede Gewöhnung, sogar die Verstellung, wird Eigenschaft schließlich;
Schwermut, stelle dich leicht, bis du zum Gleichmut gedeihst!
wenn das Schöne nur echt, wenn nur das Wirkliche wahr!
Freilich, das Schöne ist echt allein durch die Wahrheit desWesens,
aber das Wirkliche schon wahr durch die Echtheit des Scheins.
Schwer, den gärenden Geist der Zeit ans Licht zu beschwören;
schwerer den klärenden Geist, weil er verborgener wirkt.
Aber wir fühlen, er wirkt! Ihn schaun war immer des Lebens
höchste Sehnsucht und Lust, höchste daher auch der Kunst.
Jede Gewöhnung, sogar die Verstellung, wird Eigenschaft schließlich;
Schwermut, stelle dich leicht, bis du zum Gleichmut gedeihst!
Richard Dehmel
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Selena's guide of how to break your own heart- step one
Confusion, all misty, but still clear....desperation? Or is that too extreme a word? Tears.
The future ahead. Paris awaits. How to enter it with your heart still lost in Germany?
Difficulties...yeah, I will solve any problem. I know.
But still.
Waking up after a shadowrun-dream, I know how to use machine guns. Successfully. And have cyber eyes. Right now color light blue. Best quality.
Then quick breakfast. Since when can I have cake for breafast? It tasted good. But so sweet.
Visiting my parents. Kassler---for the last time in ages? Good that my mother gave me 2 big pieces.
Finished the 2nd one for pre-dinner.
Ice cream.
I want blueberries. And cream. Not too sweet.
Just like yesterday- I loved it.
And then, internet, explaining my mother how to use skype. She's pretty good at it actually. After a video chat from me on the bed and her, 1.5 m away at the desk, re-packing my stuff. What do I *really* need... The old question. Probably even less.
I don't understand how people can take as much as I take for a year for a vacation that lasts 2 weeks. Or less.
Leave me alone with your sweet talk.
My mother's instructions about the flat I've lived in for 20 years.
Cleanliness, order.
Dinner, salad, too much salt without too much love.
Saying goodbye. Tears.
It will be strange not to see her for more than half a year.
Difficulties, differences, fights, all gone. Of course I love her. And nothing will change it.
Blood is stronger than water.
I leave, tears on my side- later.
On my way, a suicide on the tracks, finding my way around.
The park. Grilled meat.
More food during the last 3 days than for the last 3 weeks.
Safety fat pads for France.
I hope they'll be necessary ^^.
Old friends...changed...nothing new but surprising again.
Nice chat.
The big discussion. Finally getting a decision made before.
Tears.
Roy Orbison in my head.
Baby, come closer, closer to me....forgive me, forgive me somehow...hold me tight for tonight and tell me true...
don't leave me now, now that I'm falling for you
You walked away....the pain began...
And, my <3 Elvis
Musical psychotherapy...
I've loved you much too long, my love's too strong- to let you go
Never knowing what went wrong.
Searching for *you*...
In the cold Kentucky rain
If I'm being cheesy, love is, feelings are
And i don't care.Confusion, all misty...but not desperate.
dum anima est, spes esse dicitur- as the saying is- while there's life there's hope
CICERO--AD ATTICUM
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